someone threw a dead crab at me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize