this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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