Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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