I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
