Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Found the puke drawer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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