worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
