Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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