he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
