so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
