Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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