apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
