they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
