There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
