I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
