Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
