Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
COCAINE IS GR8
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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