i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
