It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
