I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found puke in my bra..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
