eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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