Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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