he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
