I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
