He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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