I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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