she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
