someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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