I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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