Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
