don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize