Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
