you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
