Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
