there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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