Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
