I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
