all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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