i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You made out with two different species that night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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