My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
