shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
