Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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