Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
