im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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