Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
