My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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