I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
