I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
