and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
