I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
