I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
