After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
