He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sponge bath it is.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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