Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
