i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
