guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
