All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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