Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
