he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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