last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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