Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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