I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
