So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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