So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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