Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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