He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
