Kiss
Puke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
