the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
