he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
