I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize