it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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