i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
